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The hours are already grueling.



I heard American Soldier today. It had been some time. It is a powerful tune, but damn it...I am fucking tired.



Three more years of my Hell. Spent hours in Columbia tonight....and will be in the snowy hills of Asheville on Thursday.



I am so looking forward to the weekend....just so I can sleep.



I just want to have a normal job with normal hours. I am sorry Princess.....I will make this up to you one day. So much lost time. Will it ever pay up?



I am tired.

Do not worry why I want....



I need these things to fill the void within.





So many who taunt and tease....and leave me empty still.



Don't ask why or when or who...don't question me.



I just can't seem to get it right.



I had forgotten what it was like to wake and desire the touch of another...I am still here..waiting, but don't question me.



The answers will not be given in haste.

I can't stop the thoughts from racing...I need help once again. Professional that is. My OCD is horrible the last couple of days and I am taking a relapse with the cough again. It took me three weeks to get rid of it last time. I just want to be better. He is so sporadic...I never know what I might get. There already is temptation and others who try to work their way in...I don't think I can ever trust anyone enough again. I have been hurt for so long that I am numb to almost all that exist around me. I find it difficult to breathe sometimes....life is choking me. I am so busy within.